The Broken Moments That Build Us



I sat in my friendโ€™s car sobbing uncontrollably.

No matter how hard I tried or pushed or prayed, nothing calmed the wrenching guilt, shame & deep insecurity that haunted me.

I worked 2 jobs as early at 5am & as late at 3am, a consistent 7 days a week. The rest of my Senior year of college was withered away with a full time course load, excessive studying & a highly medicated perspective of the world.

๐—œ ๐˜„๐—ฎ๐—น๐—ธ๐—ฒ๐—ฑ ๐—ฎ๐—ฟ๐—ผ๐˜‚๐—ป๐—ฑ, ๐˜๐—ถ๐—ฒ๐—ฑ ๐˜๐—ผ๐—ด๐—ฒ๐˜๐—ต๐—ฒ๐—ฟ ๐˜„๐—ถ๐˜๐—ต ๐—ฎ ๐˜€๐—บ๐—ถ๐—น๐—ฒ, hoping no one would see the truth. I prayed they would only notice my bright smile, unwavering work ethic & my commitment to being the best friend, employee & student I could be!

Iโ€™ve always put in the extra effort, but it wasnโ€™t enough. ๐—œ๐˜ .๐—ก ๐—˜ ๐—ฉ ๐—˜ ๐—ฅ. ๐˜€๐—ฒ๐—ฒ๐—บ๐—ฒ๐—ฑ ๐˜๐—ผ ๐—ฏ๐—ฒ ๐—ฒ๐—ป๐—ผ๐˜‚๐—ด๐—ต. I lived in a constant state of stress & there was never a time for rest or recovery. I lived my daily life on the verge of a breakdown. Go go go! Just figure it out!

๐Ÿšจโ€ข 3hrs of sleep is enough for today!

๐Ÿšจโ€ข This Anxiety is too much, pop another pill!

๐Ÿšจโ€ข No time to do laundry, just use Febreze!

๐Ÿšจโ€ข If I cant afford food this week it means I lose weight. At least I can see the bright side.

๐Ÿšจโ€ข I really want to go to this birthday party, but I canโ€™t afford a gift. Iโ€™ll stay home & tell her I have to study.

๐—”๐—น๐—น ๐—ผ๐—ณ ๐˜๐—ต๐—ฒ๐˜€๐—ฒ ๐˜„๐—ฒ๐—ฟ๐—ฒ ๐˜ƒ๐—ฒ๐—ฟ๐˜† ๐—ฐ๐—ผ๐—บ๐—บ๐—ผ๐—ป ๐˜๐—ต๐—ผ๐˜‚๐—ด๐—ต๐˜๐˜€ ๐—ณ๐—ผ๐—ฟ ๐—บ๐—ฒ. They also all contributed to isolation, depression, numbing & the stuffing of a deep shame.

๐—œ ๐˜„๐—ฎ๐˜€ ๐—ฎ๐˜€๐—ต๐—ฎ๐—บ๐—ฒ๐—ฑ ๐—ผ๐—ณ ๐—บ๐—ฎ๐—ป๐˜† ๐˜๐—ต๐—ถ๐—ป๐—ด๐˜€, of these, I was ashamed that there was always more month than money. No matter how hard I worked, it was barely enough to cover my bills. Food was a luxury & I just got used to that being my normal. I was ashamed that I was too prideful to ask for help. I didnโ€™t know who to ask. I didnโ€™t know how. And honestly Iโ€™d rather starve than tell anyone the truth.

๐Ÿ’• An ๐—ฎ๐—ฟ๐˜๐—ถ๐—ฐ๐—น๐—ฒ ๐—ฟ๐—ฒ๐—บ๐—ถ๐—ป๐—ฑ๐—ฒ๐—ฑ ๐—บ๐—ฒ ๐—ผ๐—ณ ๐—ฎ ๐—บ๐—ผ๐—ป๐˜‚๐—บ๐—ฒ๐—ป๐˜๐—ฎ๐—น ๐—บ๐—ผ๐—บ๐—ฒ๐—ป๐˜ when an angel of a person taught me the value of giving, receiving & paying it forward to the world.

My friend picked me up & we drove around town. ๐—œ ๐—ฑ๐—ถ๐—ฑ๐—ปโ€™๐˜ ๐—ฒ๐˜…๐—ฝ๐—ฒ๐—ฐ๐˜ ๐˜๐—ต๐—ฒ ๐˜๐—ฟ๐˜‚๐˜๐—ต ๐˜๐—ผ ๐˜€๐—ฝ๐—ถ๐—น๐—น ๐—ผ๐˜‚๐˜, ๐—ฏ๐˜‚๐˜ ๐—ถ๐˜ ๐—ฑ๐—ถ๐—ฑ ๐˜€๐—ผ, ๐˜‚๐—ป๐—ฐ๐—ผ๐—ป๐˜๐—ฟ๐—ผ๐—น๐—น๐—ฎ๐—ฏ๐—น๐˜†. The tears I had been suppressing overflowed into my sleeves & scarf & the napkins from her glovebox. I donโ€™t remember what I said, I just remember the humility being too much to bear.

My friend listened quietly.

The car stopped & I looked up & apologized profusely. โ€œ๐™๐™๐™ž๐™จ ๐™ž๐™จ ๐™ข๐™ฎ ๐™ฅ๐™ง๐™ค๐™—๐™ก๐™š๐™ข, ๐™ฃ๐™ค๐™ฉ ๐™ฎ๐™ค๐™ช๐™ง๐™จ. ๐™„ ๐™–๐™ข ๐™จ๐™ค ๐™จ๐™ค ๐™จ๐™ค๐™ง๐™ง๐™ฎ ๐™ฉ๐™ค ๐™ช๐™ฃ๐™ก๐™ค๐™–๐™™ ๐™ฉ๐™๐™ž๐™จ ๐™ค๐™ฃ ๐™ฎ๐™ค๐™ชโ€!

Without judgement, she continued to listen. Once I caught my breath, I realized we were outside of a Raleyโ€™s. She encouraged me to calm down in the car while she ran inside.

Shortly after, she came back with the groceries. ๐—ข๐—ป๐—ฐ๐—ฒ ๐—œ ๐˜„๐—ฎ๐˜€ ๐—ฐ๐—ฎ๐—น๐—บ, ๐˜€๐—ต๐—ฒ ๐˜๐—ผ๐—น๐—ฑ ๐—บ๐—ฒ ๐˜๐—ต๐—ฒ๐˜† ๐˜„๐—ฒ๐—ฟ๐—ฒ ๐—ฎ๐—ฐ๐˜๐˜‚๐—ฎ๐—น๐—น๐˜† ๐—ณ๐—ผ๐—ฟ ๐—บ๐—ฒ. She even got me the expensive granola (that is still my fav to this day!)

You can imagine I completely came undone AGAIN! This time the tears were of complete surprise & gratitude. ๐—ก๐—ผ๐˜ ๐—ผ๐—ป๐—น๐˜† ๐—ฐ๐—ผ๐˜‚๐—น๐—ฑ ๐—œ ๐—ป๐—ผ๐˜„ ๐—ฒ๐—ฎ๐˜, ๐—ฏ๐˜‚๐˜ ๐—œ ๐—ฐ๐—ผ๐˜‚๐—น๐—ฑ ๐—ฏ๐—ฟ๐—ฒ๐—ฎ๐˜๐—ต๐—ฒ ๐—ธ๐—ป๐—ผ๐˜„๐—ถ๐—ป๐—ด ๐˜๐—ต๐—ถ๐˜€ ๐—ถ๐˜€ ๐—ผ๐—ป๐—ฒ ๐—น๐—ฒ๐˜€๐˜€ ๐˜€๐˜๐—ฟ๐—ฒ๐˜€๐˜€!

This moment taught me so much about being a good human. From that experience, I committed to be the woman I needed in that time of crisis. ๐—œ ๐—น๐—ฒ๐—ฎ๐—ฟ๐—ป๐—ฒ๐—ฑ ๐˜๐—ผ:

โœจ Never underestimate the power of compassion.

โœจ Be a listener, you never know who needs you to hold that space.

โœจBe the first responder, especially if you know they are truly doing their best to find solutions.

โœจ Give. It letโ€™s them know they are worthy & that they are not alone.

โœจ Itโ€™s okay to ask for help.

I am forever grateful for my friend & this experience. I am even more grateful that I have been blessed with a business, opportunities & the awareness to pay it forward to others ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿผ๐Ÿ’•

Have you had a defining experience like this?
How can you be that type of friend today?

The Broken Moments That Build Us

Meet Ashley Ahmadzai

A multidisciplinary Energy Medicine Practitioner, Clairvoyant Success Coach, and Manifestation Expert, 

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Ashley Ahmadzai

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